You know that feeling you get when you know change is coming and it's what you are looking for, but you don't know what shape it's going to come in? The feeling of fear mixed with curiosity is intense. I´ve been in Mexico for nine years. When I arrived here I did not speak the language, I did not know anyone, and I was not all together welcome, though people were very nice to me. For a protracted period of time I felt somehow mute and muted. Not being able to communicate, not being sure of my place in the new environment, and having no idea what to believe of the crazy things people kept saying to me about the dangers of Mexico City, I found myself living in a queazy space of uncertainty and doubt. Simply venturing out to buy an umbrella was an exercise in courage and adventure given my limitations at that time. And yet, I did go out and buy an umbrella. And I got on a bus and went to another town. And when I got to that town, I took my little phrase book with me and I got lost, and wound up with food I did not think I was asking for. But I ended up with a full belly, got where I was going to, and even made some new acquaintances. By the time I returned to the big taco after that trip I had decided that there was nothing for it but to trust my instincts and assume that at least most of the basic rules for the streetwise applied just as well in Mexico City as they would in New York City (pre-Guliani New York, that is).
Recently this image has been making the rounds on facebook:
In the summer of 2003 I made a leap into the unknown - it was so unknown that I had no idea how to fathom it ahead of time. If I had, I might not have made the leap. Now, nine years later, I am so glad that I did. In those intervening years I´ve grown and learned and become more of the person I want to be. There's no way to know if I could have achieved that had I opted to stay in a zone of comforting, if dissatisfying, familiarity. Since I arrived in Mexico I have had to jump off into the unknown countless times. Sometimes into harrowing experiences I hope I´ll never have to go through again, other times into the greatest adventures of my life. If magic is an ingredient in an interesting life, then you have to step out of, fall out of, be dragged out of your comfort zone.
Now that I've made the decision to make a new leap I am feeling more and more at ease with the choice. To all who may read this I wish you a joyous and purposeful 2013. I have high hopes for the coming days and months, not just for me but for all of us.
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